Friday, July 27, 2012

Nervous...

The closer we get to the beginning of the school year the more nervous I am becoming. I am worried about this coming school year. 2 years ago I found myself hating my job and just being miserable and not giving it my all. I figured I was burned out after 8 straight years teaching kindergarten, and I thought I needed a grade level change. I went to my principal and told him I wanted to change grades and that I wanted to teach 4th grade. He was shocked to say the least - he was expecting me to say 1st or 2nd maybe, he never expected me to want to change to 4th grade, but he gave me the change. I taught 4th grade the past 2 years and was still not happy. This past year was the absolute worst year I have had in teaching and I actually thought it was time for me to leave the profession. My saving grace was my team. I taught with several amazing teachers and they were just as miserable as I was so that helped me feel like this wasn't just me. In April, after a member of the administrative team referred to me and my team as a "toxic group" I realized that the toxicity in my feelings about teaching were not based on a grade level assignment, they were based on the fact that, to use her words, a toxic environment. I made a very difficult decision to leave the school that I had opened 6 years ago. I was part of the opening staff, I walked through that school with a hard hat on while it was still being built. It was SO hard to send out those resumes but I had to. 3 years earlier the administration changed and the environment of the school went downhill. I rarely felt appreciated or valued and when there is no appreciation or value then why bother giving it your best. Anyway, I submitted my resume to about 25 other schools in the district that are close to my home. We are a VERY large district, there are 5 elementary school, 1 middle school, and 1 high school on the ONE road that my school was on.

Anyway I sent out about 25 resumes and I received a call from the school that is just down the street from my old school, and that was built and opened the same time as my school. I had heard the principal at that school was tough, but that was the complete opposite of what I had currently and was what I need. So I went on the interview, I interviewed for a 4th grade position even though after 2 years I still felt completely out of my element in 4th grade. 2 days later - on my birthday no less - I got a phone call and the principal offered me a kindergarten position and said that if she had a 4th grade position open up she would move me up if i wanted. I said ABSOLUTELY sign me up!  I started getting very excited about teaching kindergarten again and started planning for my year ahead. about 2 weeks later my new principal emailed me and said she had a 4th grade position available for me, I emailed her back and told her that I would rather stay in kinder and she said fine, the best part was that one of my teammates (from the "toxic group") was able to get the position I had turned down! Actually in total there are 5 of us moving to this one school, 3 are going to 4th grade, 1 to 3rd grade, and me in kinder. My new principal is AHHHHMAZING!!! I have felt more complimented, valued, and appreciated since being hired by my new principal in early May than I have in the past 2 and half years! I am thrilled to be working for such an amazing administrator.

SO now by now you are probably wondering what I am so nervous about (as my post title suggests). Well I am nervous that I will have another awful year, what if it really is me and not the environment? What if I really am burned out? I don't feel like I am but when I think about school starting in just a couple weeks I get really nervous. Maybe I am just a bit gun-shy after the last few years I have had. I am just feeling anxious to be going back to kindergarten and being at a new school. AGGHHHH am I ready for all this again????

5 comments:

  1. Cheers to you for moving on to a better environment:) Good luck in your new school.
    Elizabeth

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    1. Thank you Elizabeth! I hope you have a great year!

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  2. I too felt the way you did for my first 4 years at my school. The last 2 years have been so good, that I am afraid something will change it. I'm always nervous what the next year will hold. I'll say some prayers for you and hopefully we will both have a great year!
    heidi'skrazykinder.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. I think I am just worried that it seems too good to be true and I keep waiting for it to get bad LOL I have been dealing with bad for the past 2 years and that is what I have come to expect. I am really excited but at the same time just really nervous. I haven't been this nervous in a very long time.

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